An acquired taste

This report covers a first date with the subject referred to here as F., held on Saturday, September 26, at 2:30 pm, at an art museum in Phoenix and the restaurant attached to it. The date ran 210 minutes. The cost was $166.23, paid in full by me.

It is the sixth subject on file. This account opened on September 21, with a message I sent her on a dating app, and the message proposed the date. E.’s account was open at the time and is open now. Her second date was agreed on September 17 and has been rescheduled twice since, once by me on September 19 and once by her on the morning of September 21. It has not been held.

F.‘s profile read: “I enjoy art galleries, comedy, museums, playful moments and desserts before dinner at great restaurants. I’d rather skip small talk, meet soon, and see if we connect.” I read it at the time as a list of venues. An art museum covers 2 of the first 3 items on it. Her reply to the proposal was: “Thank you for picking a museum.”

Summary of charges

• Duration: 210 minutes
• Travel, mine: 50 minutes, round trip
• Travel, F.’s: 30 minutes, round trip
• Questions asked by me: 12
• Questions asked by F.: 13
• Phone checks by F.: 0
• Phone checks by me: 0
• Out-of-pocket costs: $166.23. Museum admission for 2, then dinner and drinks.
• Amount contributed by F.: $0.00
• Amount requested of F.: $0.00
• Follow-up: yes at filing

Cost per hour in person: $47.49. This arc: $166.23 across 1 date. All subjects: $3,212.07 across 3,015 minutes in person.

The lobby

I arrived 15 minutes early. On September 17 this file entered its first late arrival for me, by 1 minute. The standing pattern resumed 9 days later.

I bought both tickets, $48.00, and messaged her from the lobby to say I had arrived.

At 2:29 pm she replied that she would be 10 minutes late. She arrived 20 minutes after the message, at 2:49 pm, and apologized 3 times.

The file has a precedent. On July 31 I arrived 15 minutes early and the other party arrived 15 minutes late, which put 30 minutes between us. This one put 34 between us, and 15 of them were mine. Admission for the second party was purchased 34 minutes before there was a second party to admit.

Apologies received: 3. Apologies requested: 0.

With the apologies came a disclosure. She said she is usually late, and that she does not mind waiting for people. [paraphrase] The first half describes what had just happened and, by her account, what will happen again. The second half is an offer I am not positioned to collect on. I arrive early.

What I told myself at the time was a stock phrase about a group of people, the kind that accounts for a person’s lateness by what she is rather than by what she said. She had given a reason that belonged to her. I replaced it with a category, and the category asked nothing further of either of us. The phrase is not reproduced here. That is 1 rationalization, entered as mine.

Twelve and thirteen

We walked the galleries and talked about family, work, what each of us does for fun and where each of us is from. The profile asked to skip small talk. Those are the 4 topics, and I am not the one to classify them.

Questions asked: 12 by me, 13 by her.

Fifteen encounters on this site had recorded a question count before this one. This is the sixteenth, and the fourth to come out uneven, after September 5, September 8 and September 17. It is the second on which the other party asked more than I did. The first was September 5, at 10 and 15.

Twelve equals the most questions I have recorded asking. Twenty-five in total equals September 5 for the most at any table here. The band on the question count is 50%, 12 is inside it, and the row balances. The count is reconstructed by topic, as every count on this site is, and I am the party who reconstructed it.

Silences broken: 1 and 1. There were 2 worth the name in 210 minutes, and each of us ended 1 with a question. The count is from memory and the basis on the row says so.

Phone checks: 0 and 0 in 210 minutes. The file now holds 10 phone checks in 3,015 minutes.

Dinner

After the last gallery I asked whether she wanted to get dinner. She did. The restaurant is connected to the museum, and we walked to it.

Dinner and drinks came to $118.23, on a receipt, paid by me. The contributed column reads $0.00. The requested column reads $0.00, as it has for all 6 subjects.

Desserts ordered: 0. The profile lists desserts before dinner. None was ordered before it or after it.

The venue column reads mine as well. For the record, the selection was made from a list of 5 items that she published, she thanked me for it in 6 words, and the second venue was the nearest door to the first.

Scotch

At dinner we compared what each of us drinks. I said I like scotch.

She said that anyone who says they like whisky or scotch, and particularly women who say so, is “full of shit,” on the grounds that anything that is an acquired taste is not good. [paraphrase, apart from the 3 words in quotation marks]

I disagreed, gently. That is the full defense entered.

Positions disclosed: 1 and 1. Mine was that I like scotch. Hers was a finding about everyone who holds mine. I fall in the general class and outside the particular one.

Before the evening ended I asked the party who had issued that finding for her phone number, and then for a second date. The file records the order in which these things happened. It does not record any interval in which I weighed them.

Minute 210: the car

I walked her to her car and hugged her. Physical initiation: 1 and 0.

I asked for her phone number. All correspondence to that point had been on the app. She said she would send it. It arrived approximately 10 minutes later, on the app.

I texted the number and asked for a second date. She agreed. It is set for Monday, September 28, which is 2 days out.

This is the second first date on this site to file with follow-up at yes. The first was September 17, and that second date is the one that has been rescheduled twice.

Findings

Questions: 12 and 13. The fourth uneven count in 16, and the second in her favor.

Phone checks: 0 and 0, in 210 minutes.

Travel: 50 and 30, round trip. Eighty minutes of road between us. The band on the travel row is 40%, and 30 is inside it.

Arrival: 15 minutes early, mine. 19 minutes late, hers, against an estimate of 10.

Apologies received: 3. Requested: 0.

Disclaimers issued: 1, that she is usually late. It was issued 19 minutes into being accurate.

Silences broken: 1 and 1.

Desserts ordered: 0.

Positions disclosed: 1 and 1. Hers was about mine.

Rationalizations recorded: 1. A stock phrase, not reproduced. The wait it covered was mine too, and 15 minutes of it I had arranged myself.

Contributed by F.: $0.00. Requested of F.: $0.00.

Proposed the date and chose the venue: both mine. The split needs one party in each, and it fails. The venue was chosen from her list.

Reciprocity: 2 of 5 columns balanced, the question count and the travel.

Costs

• Museum admission, 2 tickets: $48.00
• Dinner and drinks: $118.23
• Total: $166.23

Cost per hour in person: $47.49, against $63.92 across everything this ledger has recorded, this date included. It is the second cheapest first date in the file per hour, $0.42 under April 20 and $30.56 over September 17.

Running position, this arc: 1 of 2 dates held, $166.23 out of pocket, 210 minutes in person, 80 minutes of road between the 2 of us, $0.00 contributed by the other party and $0.00 requested of her.

Running position, all subjects: $3,212.07 out of pocket, 3,015 minutes in person.

Status

The follow-up field reads yes. The second date was requested by me, by text, and agreed by her the same evening. It is set for September 28.

Two accounts are open. Recoverable: $0.00.