Lexicon ·
just not that into you
phrase, used as a verdict, usually after 'he's'
- Stated meaning
- A man who is interested makes the effort, so the missing effort is the whole answer, and waiting for more is wasted time.
- Operating meaning
- Writes off an account on the evidence of its activity, conceding that some interest exists and ruling the amount insufficient, usually on a summary prepared by the party who will be relieved by the ruling.
- Origin
- A line spoken on Sex and the City and made a book in 2004 by two of the show's writers, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.
- Synonyms
- he's just not that into you
October 2, by text, the day before a second date with E. I cancelled it: “I've realized I'm not feeling a romantic connection and want to be upfront so neither of us wastes time.” She replied “Ok thank you for being up front”. The phrase was not used.
The line was first a ruling on 1 case. In the Sex and the City episode “Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little” (opens in a new window), a man had declined to come up to Miranda’s apartment after a date because he had an early meeting. Jack Berger, asked to read the evidence, ruled on it and added: “When a guy’s really into you, he’s coming upstairs, meeting or no meeting.” Two of the show’s writers, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, turned the ruling into a book (opens in a new window) in 2004, subtitled “The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.”
The book sold the sentence as a release. Its publisher (opens in a new window) still describes it as sparing women “hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends,” and gives the premise in 2 sentences: “Men are not complicated, although they’d like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.” The book was featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show, the 2009 film (opens in a new window) grossed over $180 million worldwide, and the publisher’s page now marks 20 years since its release.
Under load, the sentence is a write-off. The words “not that” concede that some interest exists and rule the amount insufficient, which spares everyone from establishing the figure. It is usually delivered by a third party who has met neither the man nor the evidence, working from a summary prepared by the person who will be relieved by the verdict, and the relief is the product. The man in the original case had a meeting in the morning. The record does not say how it went.
The verdict on October 2 was mine, about myself, and it was delivered late. I had asked E. out again on the night of September 17. The second date was rescheduled twice and held open for 15 days, and in that time I opened a second account and held 2 dates with F. The message gave no date for the realizing. On October 7 F. cancelled our fifth date in 55 words, because she did not think we were the right match, and I thanked her for being upfront in 15. Both verdicts were accurate, and neither needed a third party.