Lexicon ·
curving
noun, also verb (to curve)
- Stated meaning
- Turning down someone's advances indirectly, without saying no.
- Operating meaning
- A refusal issued in a form that can be filed as a delay, leaving the other party to read the decision from the dates never set.
- Origin
- Slang for getting away from someone by 2009, apparently starting in Black slang, according to Dictionary.com. The dating sense spread in 2016 and 2017.
Dictionary.com (opens in a new window) defines it: “To curve someone is “to reject” them, that is, veer away from their romantic interests and advances in an indirect, non-confrontational way.” Its history begins outside dating. “By 2009 and apparently starting in black slang, curve was characterizing efforts of “getting away” from someone,” and the dictionary traces the dating sense to that one. It spread in 2016 and 2017, through web articles in publications such as Teen Vogue.
The geometry is exact. A curve leaves the straight line without a turn anyone can point to, and a curved advance receives a reply, often a friendly one, that contains no answer. The reply keeps the conversation polite and the account open, and it spares both parties the sentence in which anything is decided.
Under load, curving files a refusal as a delay. The party curved receives a reply, so the account stays open, and has to infer the decision from the dates that are never set. The curver keeps the courtesy of having answered and the convenience of never having said no. The cost of the indirection is paid in the other party’s reading time, which is the one figure the reply does not show.